A story about influencing, manipulation and passive aggressive cats, with some tips on how to maximise your positive impact on the world and minimise the world's negative impact on you.
Being old means it's really easy for me to start every post I write with 'I remember a time when', which will probably get irritating after a while so I need to be mindful of that and use it sparingly. But I'm going to use it in this post as it seems apt. I remember a time when influencer wasn't a career, it was just a skill that helped you in your career.
When I was working in IT for the Civil Service, I spent a lot of time in roles where I needed to influence people to get things done. So I developed that skill and the relationships needed to get the desired outcomes. I quickly learned that getting my outcome depended on other people getting their outcome, otherwise relationships soured quickly. The learning went through a few stages:
The reality of business is that win/win or no deal is a great thing to aim for but sometimes it's just not possible, especially if the needs of the parties differ significantly. But in pursuing it I would say that the outcomes you get are likely to be adopted better if maybe a little less radical than they could have been.
Looking at the current landscape of influencers, I think there are a lot more options in play than the three above. I would love to say that most of them have a genuine desire to help their followers get their outcomes and want to make a living doing it. I think most started out that way and some have maintained their values, but some have just been sucked in by the money and will cheerfully sell you any old sh1te that if they can make money doing it. And, unfortunately, lots of people are lapping it up.
When I became an NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) Master Practitioner (around 2006) I had some interesting conversations that went something like this:
Friend - That NLP stuff is about manipulating people isn't it ? I'm not sure I like it.
Me - I can understand why you would think that as there are a lot of examples of using NLP in sales to manipulate people. But the reality is that we are all manipulating each other all of the time. Our mere presence will influence others that we are with, as will our mood, words, tone etc. We just do it unconsciously. NLP is about making it conscious so that we are aware of the impact we have on others and can hopefully get better outcomes.
Friend - But if I'm not consciously manipulating them, it's not manipulation, is it ?
Me - From my perspective it is, but I can understand why you might not agree. NLP just helps you see all that unconscious stuff and gives you some tools to change things that may not be serving you. Yes someone can use those tools to sell you something you don't want or gaslight you, but it doesn't make NLP bad.
Friend - Still not keen on it.
Manipulation is a word that has got a terrible reputation. You won't see anyone proudly calling themselves a 'Master Manipulator' and if you did you probably wouldn't accept a friend request or follow them on socials. It pretty much screams that they will be sneaking into your DMs (Direct Messages) once they know you exist and trying to peddle something that you don't want or need. But 'Influencer' is ok because it's softer, more positive, gentler even. We're ok with it and proudly declare it for the world to see. But the truth of the matter is:
⚠️ IT'S ALL MANIPULATION ⚠️
We are all manipulating each other all of the time. At this moment I'm being manipulated by a 16 year old cat who wants her third breakfast. It's currently a plaintive meow from the kitchen that will upgrade to full passive aggressive bullying if I don't comply. (Takes a break from writing....) She's been fed before she escalated as it doesn't make for a good writing environment. The cat has never done NLP and is a Win/Don't Care sort of a girl....
